Heartache.

I'm hoping this blogging this will help take my mind off of how stressed out I am, I'm just going to write what comes to mind.
This morning I received word that my grandmother was only expected to live a few more days.  I cannot tell you my heartache. When Andrew and I were in the states, I wanted to go visit my grandmother, but we just didn't have the time. I should have MADE time. I feel so guilty, I may not get the chance to say goodbye to her. I'm hoping her Italian stubbornness will shine through and she'll hold on just long enough for me to say goodbye. She always got what she wanted, so I'm hoping she really wants to say goodbye to me.
Trying to buy tickets home is a nightmare. I don't want to get there too late, as to inconvenience anyone who may had to pick me up. I don't know whether to buy one ticket or two because Andrew doesn't know if he'll be able to get emergency leave or not. It's honestly one of the most frustrating situations I've ever dealt with. I feel like the White Rabbit in Alice and Wonderland. I'm running around frantically like a chicken with it's head cut off screaming "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!' I'm surely glad I did the laundry a few days ago.
I hope and pray that God will allow me to say goodbye to her, and I hope Andrew can get emergency leave to come with me. I really need my husband.